Friday, May 10, 2013

Reasons to Fear Monkeys


Eric J. Bargerhuff, Ph.D. & Scott Swain, Ph.D.

The following list comes after much reflection and despair over the nature of those things we call monkeys. As children growing up in the 60’s and 70’s, we had many reasons to fear these beasts. And even today, as this list will show, there is still warrant for such fear.

TOP TEN and then some

1.      The Wizard of Oz – those flying monkeys that make weird sounds and carry you off to nether land.

2.      Viet Cong Guerilla Warfare – What a frightening phrase. We heard this on the news when we were little, and for all we knew they did nothing but kill us in the middle of the night.

3.      King Kong – he grabs people and can even climb tall buildings to get you.

4.      The Planet of the Apes ­– here is the ultimate fear! They are monkeys that ride horses, can talk in English, rule the world, and hunt down and shoot human beings.

5.      Donkey Kong – even in our video games as kids we were afraid of the monkeys who sought to destroy a poor innocent Italian guy named Mario.

6.      Abominable Snowman – no one knows what this thing is, but surely he has to be a monkey. Like that guy on the Rudolph the Rednose reindeer claymation show; We don’t care if he had a tooth problem that the dentist fixed, or that he was able to put a star on the top of the tree. He’s terrifying.

7.      Grape Ape – a large bass-voice animal with swinging arms. A cartoon from the early 80’s.

8.      “Monkey see, Monkey do” – many of us were reminded as kids that this is how our sin nature works.

9.      Monkeys at Zoos – they are hyper, they scream loud at you, and if you get too close they bite (and throw poo at you).

10.  “Monkeying Around” ­– again, a phrase that our parents used to describe our sin nature. Similar to #8.

11.  Monkey Pox – the disease speaks for itself.


The Only Positive Monkey on Record

Curious George

He is our hope that the whole mess of them are not spawns of the devil.
This list comes a result of much late night reflection among friends while doing a doctoral degree.

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